UNDERSTANDING THE RECIPROCAL NATURE OF RELATIONSHIPS:

The effect that past, current and future relationships have on the resolution of conflict can be profound. Relationships are the most abundant connecting bond in the universe. For every one entity, there is the relationship between it and every other entity, and starting with every single element there is a relationship between it and the groups of relationships made up by all the other elements. Some relationships are peripheral and make no real difference to the participants, while others create a connection, a bond, and potentially, a dependence, or inter-dependence upon those in the relationship. Some elements in a relationship may not have an awareness of the connection as in the relationship between a page in a book and its cover, while other relationships like those between a mother and daughter are explicit and have natural expectations and influences on behavior.

Having an understanding of the reciprocal nature of relationships may be a key factor in resolving conflicts from the participant’s standpoint. From a very early age, we humans understand our reliance on, and relationship to, other human beings. In North American societies, we tend to think of relationships between individuals while in more community-driven societies people tend to think of relationships having a broader spectrum of people that are involved. Lederach describes the Central American experience of thinking of the community as a large “net” of entangled relationships. Describing the word “encredo” which is a synonym for conflict in Central America, he says, “The image is one of knots and connections: an intimate and intricate mess. A net, when tangled, must be worked through and undone slowly and patiently. Even untangled, it still remains connected and knotted: it is a whole…In other words, encredo is a concept of conflict embedded in tight-knit, primary social relationships” (Lederach 78). Whether it is in a society that is driven by individuals or by groups and the community, there will be relationships at play in all conflicts.

The relationship value each party perceives is a critical factor in relationships and their influence on conflict resolution. Relationship value is the level of importance that each actor in a relationship perceives. In a study of relationships in primates van Schaik & Aureli write “…we expect that relationship value will explain much of the variation in all aspects of conflict resolution, not just reconciliation, and will probably do so in both primates and non-primates” (Schaik 308). They go on to say “The most important generalization to emerge from two decades of work on reconciliation (i.e., post-conflict, friendly reunion between opponents) in primates is that individuals that reconcile are likely to have a strong social bond” (Schaik 307). Social bonding and its benefits is the commonality that attracts humans, primates, and other species to making peace with one another.

By understanding the value of relationships and the reciprocity they can deliver, we have the potential for resolving conflict. Bonta highlights that a major commonality in peaceful societies is their appreciation for, and attending to, ongoing individual and community relationships (Bonta 1993, 1996). His research points to the idea that we understand the nature of relationships and that that awareness can create a space for conflicts to be more readily resolved than if there is no relationship. It is hard to prove that humans understand the nature of relationships from the time they are born, but it would seem that as a species, we have an awareness of the importance of relationships with other people and groups, and we have a deep understanding of the reciprocity that goes hand in hand with that awareness.

Next time I will dive into the exciting area of capacities we call empathy.